Part of me wants to just run into an open field and yell in frustration at everything. But I'm at work and there are no fields anymore because they're building everywhere. To put it bluntly and simply: fuck. (2/2/08)
That was written last weekend on Saturday. I don't know why I was so frustrated, but I feel completely different now. All day I was in such a good mood. I have a goal. It feels so nice to have something in mind and not just repeat the same empty answer. I want to be a teacher. A high school biology/life science teacher. I'm planning on taking the CBEST in April and participating in the Copernicus Project in August. I want this. I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before, even some things I am none too proud to admit. I feel driven and don't want to lose this new resolve. When I first started Chaffey I started Education 10 but dropped it. I am now taking it again and am looking forward to the fieldwork instead of dreading it. I cannot even explain this feeling I have had now since November. I'm excited and ready tp stop screwing around. I have been floating endlessly around Chaffey, taking random classes to stay full time and keep my mom's benefits. My excuse was I love to learn, which I indeed do. However, I need to move on. I finally feel capable enough. I'm finally ready.
I wish everyone could feel this way because it is better than any drug I have tried.
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