"Fake" Eulogy

--commemorative speech about me, written in the third person from my sibling at my funeral with "hypothetical illustrations." Half of the stuff I hope to do, and the other half is stuff I think would be fun to do but probably never will.

From an early age my sister Christie was someone who knew what she liked to do and knew what she wanted. When asked as a child what she was going to be when she grew up, she said a teacher, and that never changed no matter what happened in her life. She also loved to write and started off by making simple stories on our family's computer with a storybook program. It evolved into making elaborate tales with her action figures until she was using pen and paper, and then it came full circle when she used whatever word processing program she had at the time. All of these things helped shape who she was and how she led her life.

Writing was always a part of her being. The same year her teacher recognized her talent and submitted her short story to a contest was the same year she met her first real friend. They made fun of me back then, but I know how close they were. They were two peas in a pod-they were so much alike it was scary sometimes. Together the two of them joined our middle school's newspaper in eighth grade, where both put their interest for writing into print. She started then what would become one of the biggest fanfiction series anyone could find. She was also a big fan of video games and Japanese animation, so it was natural to combine the two into one large set of stories that may never have concluded if it didn't have to. Her best friend would soon join in, and by the end of high school, just the last part to their series had reached over a thousand pages. I tried writing a story like theirs, even though I never really watched any of the shows it was based on. She told me it was funny, but I think she was just being nice. They both knew they could never publish it, but that didn't matter. It was the perfect creative outlet for them both, and with the fading away of that story, she had the chance to develop her own unique characters into yet another epic plot. It was her master work, but she never wanted it published, either. She just worked on finishing the series, and only those who were close enough to her were lucky to read it. Instead, she focused on getting through school to reach her most important goal.

She worked her way through college by remaining employed at our local supermarket. It was the same store our father used to love to shop at when we were kids, and she always thought it was funny how she ended up working for them for eight years. I would come up to annoy her so often that everyone there knew who I was. She loved her co-workers and enjoyed helping customers with what ever they needed. During this time she also worked as a tutor for high school students until she earned her education paraprofessional certificate from Chaffey College, at which point she became an instructional aide in a high school science class under Miss Kathleen Darina. She would become my sister's mentor and help her get to her goal of being a credentialed science teacher. She also earned her Associates Degree in Biology from Chaffey College before transferring to California State University at San Bernardino, where she majored in anthropology, completed her credentialing work, and earned a Masters in Education. She once told me all of the hard work it took to become a teacher was worth it and how grateful for she was to that one teacher in tenth grade who instilled in her a love for biology. She taught it for 34 years before retiring at age 60 and traveling the world like she always wanted to do.

Despite how she said she would like to move out of California one day, she never did. In fact, she ended up teaching at the very same high school she graduated from, wanting to help her alma mater become a good school once again. She never stopped writing, even when she was a full time teacher and helped co-author a series of very popular biology textbooks for high school students. It was hard to be taken seriously at first since her degree was in a different field of science, but her passion and knowledge helped her persevere. She also wrote and published a series of short, funny stories based on her time worked at the grocery store. She usually had something to say when she came home every day so it was fun to see them in print.

She loved to write, she loved to teach, and she loved to help people. My sister and I didn't always see eye to eye, but she was there if I needed help with anything. I know I was frustrating sometimes, but she believed in me until I finally found my place in the world. I never really said thank you, but I hope she knows, wherever she is, that not only will I miss her but so will her husband and all of the students she touched. Goodbye, sis.

Since I'm now stuck at Chaffey

To take since I cannot transfer now for at least a year:

Anthro 1L (Spring probably)
Anthro 2 (Fall)
Bio 52 (Fall)
Bio 55 (Spring)
Ed 400 (Fall)
CDE 2 (Fall)
Stat 10 (Spring)

Question: Now what will all of those earn me?

Answer: An AS in biology, an AA in anthropology, and a level 1 education paraprofessional certificate.

Worth it?: Very much so.

Something I have learned about myself

Since I changed majors from biology to anthropology so I can get my BA and teaching credential faster, I have been so much happier and at ease. My creative side also seems to have been freed as I have been drawing, writing, and am now thinking about editing AMVs (anime music videos, because I am that big of a nerd).

Feels like spring.

Here's to the future.

no title

Things to do in the near future

1. Take and pass the CBEST (first try is in April)
2. Go out into nature, observe, and think of questions
3. Get my granddad's old camera working (top of the line in the 70s)
4. Return the Xbox to my store
5. Get camping stuff for my bio weekend trips

Yeah. I have goals, man. :-D

Forgot what I was looking for

Do you have something that you really, really want? You're a hundred percent sure it is worth it and think about it when ever you get a chance? You ever have a really good week where that thing keeps you motivated? Then the next week it all goes south for not reason at all? You're making yourself be afraid and unsure for no reason, and it's killing not only your mood but that nice feeling you were having. It sucks, and you don't know why you keep killing that for yourself. You're tired of the status quo and are ready to move on towards that thing. The only thing holding you back is you. When nothing else should matter, you let that fear of the unknown muck everything around until you no longer are sure of what you want. And you want to run and break free and just do something to express this frustration or to move yourself closer to that goal, anything to feel better and get out of this shackled existence you've forced upon yourself. What makes it worse is that it is no one's doing but your own. And you're like goddammit. Everything sucks, but it's your fault. Things were so much better in high school, and that dream and calling were so much easier to embrace. It was a fanciful dream that I guess I am still reluctant to admit was false all along. I even think I figured out why it is hard for me to connect to little kids. It's because of my own childhood. Last week felt so much better. What is up with this week, man? It sucks.

I don't know what words I can say

Part of me wants to just run into an open field and yell in frustration at everything. But I'm at work and there are no fields anymore because they're building everywhere. To put it bluntly and simply: fuck. (2/2/08)

That was written last weekend on Saturday. I don't know why I was so frustrated, but I feel completely different now. All day I was in such a good mood. I have a goal. It feels so nice to have something in mind and not just repeat the same empty answer. I want to be a teacher. A high school biology/life science teacher. I'm planning on taking the CBEST in April and participating in the Copernicus Project in August. I want this. I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before, even some things I am none too proud to admit. I feel driven and don't want to lose this new resolve. When I first started Chaffey I started Education 10 but dropped it. I am now taking it again and am looking forward to the fieldwork instead of dreading it. I cannot even explain this feeling I have had now since November. I'm excited and ready tp stop screwing around. I have been floating endlessly around Chaffey, taking random classes to stay full time and keep my mom's benefits. My excuse was I love to learn, which I indeed do. However, I need to move on. I finally feel capable enough. I'm finally ready.

I wish everyone could feel this way because it is better than any drug I have tried.