Forgot what I was looking for

Do you have something that you really, really want? You're a hundred percent sure it is worth it and think about it when ever you get a chance? You ever have a really good week where that thing keeps you motivated? Then the next week it all goes south for not reason at all? You're making yourself be afraid and unsure for no reason, and it's killing not only your mood but that nice feeling you were having. It sucks, and you don't know why you keep killing that for yourself. You're tired of the status quo and are ready to move on towards that thing. The only thing holding you back is you. When nothing else should matter, you let that fear of the unknown muck everything around until you no longer are sure of what you want. And you want to run and break free and just do something to express this frustration or to move yourself closer to that goal, anything to feel better and get out of this shackled existence you've forced upon yourself. What makes it worse is that it is no one's doing but your own. And you're like goddammit. Everything sucks, but it's your fault. Things were so much better in high school, and that dream and calling were so much easier to embrace. It was a fanciful dream that I guess I am still reluctant to admit was false all along. I even think I figured out why it is hard for me to connect to little kids. It's because of my own childhood. Last week felt so much better. What is up with this week, man? It sucks.