So Confused

So...

Tomorrow I register for fall term, and I am not sure about what I should take. I finally know what I want. I want it so much it makes me want to hop on my scooter and just ride free. But I am also impatient about getting there. I have spent forever it feels at school, and I have an ed plan I had to rearrange for various reasons. But I know what I have to finish in the undergrad lower division section before I transfer. It's just a matter of when do I finish and when do I transfer? Should I hurry up and cram it? Should I go two more years and pace myself? I just want to reach my goal. Maybe that is the part I am overlooking. I will get there. It will take time. If I rush, I may have to slow down and take even more time. I don't want that for sure. I just have to relax, take it a semester at a time, and transfer when I am ready. Forget everyone else. I have my own pace.

I will get there, and it will be worth it. I don't need to stress because things are alright for now. Be positive. I have a job, my health, a car, a house to live in with my family, and a cat who can be a booger. I need to stop worrying so much.

Just chill and relax, man.

To Do

Bio 52 (Botany)
Bio 56 (Invertebrate Zoology)
Bio 5 (Intro to Molecular Biology)
Bio 23+L (Micro and lab)
Chem 22 (General Chem II)
Chem 75A (Organic chem)
Phys 5-20A-20B (Physics intro and physics for scientists)
Comm. Studies 4 (Small Groups Dynamics/gen ed course)
Math 60 (Calculus with Apps)

So much to do, so little time...

I want to take Bio 52, 55, COMSTD 4, and Chem 22 this fall semester. Am I insane or what??

Ode to Hope

A/N: I wrote this for my creative writing class one night as I listened to
the most depressing trance song I ever heard and reflected upon life and
hope.

Hope
shines bright
like search lights
through dense pea soup,
stronger
than a spider web
spun in intricate designs
but more fragile
than sparkling crystal
Hope
so out of reach
like clouds in the sky
but right there
in front of you
like the grass and dirt.
Hope
is a butterfly
landing on your arm,
gracing you with its presence
for no more than mere seconds,
then flying up into the sky
before you can grasp it
in your hand,
once again out of reach.
Hope
floats like a flower petal
on the wind,
then sinks to the ground
to be trampled upon
unnoticed.
Hope,
more empty than
a black vertex
relentlessly sucking in celestial beings
or a dark room
abandoned long ago,
left to collect dust and dirt.
Hope
drowns you
like quicksand,
and the harder you struggle,
the faster you sink.
Hope does float
and so do you,
until you let go
and swim on your own.

(Inspired by the song I previously posted)

Beautiful Things

--By Andain

Got up early, found something's missing
My only name
No one else sees but I got stuck
And soon forever came
Stopped pushing on for just a second
Then nothing's changed
Who am I this time, where's my name?
I guess it crept away

No one's calling for me at the door
And unpredictable won't bother anymore
And silently gets harder to ignore

I forgot that I might see
So many beautiful things

Beautiful things

Take this happy ending away, it's all the same
God won't waste this simplicity on possibility
Get me up, wake me up, dreams are filling
This trace of blame
Frozen still I thought I could stop
Now who's gonna wait?

No one's calling for me at the door
And unpredictable won't bother anymore
And silently gets harder to ignore
Look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see
What's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me
Just let it go, what now can never be

So many beautiful things

Now what do I do?
Can I change my mind?
Did I think things through?

It was once my life
It was my life at one time

I forgot that I might see
So many beautiful things
I forgot that I might need to find out
What life could bring

(I'm so bad at titles)

Okay, time for some recent goings-on.

I got to "teach" a class this last Thursday. My mentor teacher offered to let me, and it was great. I did a lecture on adaptation and then a game with spoons, clothespins, and beans. They seemed to have fun, and I even got a compliment from one of the boys in her fifth period. Then at work yesterday one of the ladies in the bakery tells me her daughter was in my mentor's sixth period. I knew that girl was familiar. She told her mom she had fun, too. I got compliments from the kids. That made me feel great. So did being up there in front of the class. Man, I can't believe it took me this long to figure out I want to be teacher. I almost am too impatient about getting there now.

School is almost over, woo-hoo! I got accepted to the CCI at UCR. So did this guy in my education class so I get to know someone there. I'm so excited about that, too. One of the checkers at work today asked about my mold (she didn't want to say fungus, and I didn't realize why until just now). That was nice, and it's going alright. We think we ID'd everything and are now formulating the paper and a way to put our samples in cases for future mycologists. Except I was looking at the temp and humidity data for this area, and I don't see any reason that the fungi seemed to be mostly dead April 11 and then come back April 18. Then I was thinking about the dew point and how that might mean more than humidity. The two are connected, though. April 11 had the lowest average humidity, which means a lower dew point. It was also more stable that week, which is good for fungi growth. Who knows. I'' try and discuss it with my friend on Monday.

In other news, I love Armin's new album Imagine. In his song with Jennifer Rene she actually sounds good. I like that it is more vocal trance.

The Random Pile in Organismal Classification

"Greek protiston -a meaning the (most) first of all ones, are a diverse group of organisms, comprising those eukaryotes that cannot be classified in any of the other eukaryotic kingdoms as fungi, animals, or plants. They are usually treated as the kingdom Protista or Protoctista."

--Wikipedia

I Miss You

This is a song by Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana, whom I am ashamed to admit I enjoy to a point). It describes how I feel about my dad. I don't do poetry or songs well usually, so I have to borrow from someone else, even a teeny bopper Disney star.


You use to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong

I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you

You use to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh, how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me

I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face
Oh, I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you