Hunger Games and Poetry

"Hope
is a butterfly
landing on your arm,
gracing you with its presence
for no more than mere seconds,
then flying up into the sky
before you can grasp it
in your hand,
once again out of reach."

--excerpt from my poem "Ode to Hope", October 2003

I have seen a butterfly in various movies and often think of my own line in this poem. However, as I watched The Hunger Games this last March, April, August, and September (yes, I have seen it four times), I pictured in my head each time the same stanza. In the movie, Katniss has just run off into the woods after escaping the bloodbath at the Cornucopia, and she sits down on this dead log. A butterfly, a brilliant blue in color, has landed nearby, and she reaches out and lets it walk on her hand. Then it flies away.

Whenever I see that, I think about my own vision of hope and how it flies away. The whole scene is good (thanks in most part to Jennifer Lawrence), but when I see it, I think of my poem and imagine if Katniss feels like she, even for a moment, has a feeling of hope,then the rest of us have one, too.

Ode to Hope

A/N: I wrote this for my creative writing class one night as I listened to
the most depressing trance song I ever heard and reflected upon life and
hope.

Hope
shines bright
like search lights
through dense pea soup,
stronger
than a spider web
spun in intricate designs
but more fragile
than sparkling crystal
Hope
so out of reach
like clouds in the sky
but right there
in front of you
like the grass and dirt.
Hope
is a butterfly
landing on your arm,
gracing you with its presence
for no more than mere seconds,
then flying up into the sky
before you can grasp it
in your hand,
once again out of reach.
Hope
floats like a flower petal
on the wind,
then sinks to the ground
to be trampled upon
unnoticed.
Hope,
more empty than
a black vertex
relentlessly sucking in celestial beings
or a dark room
abandoned long ago,
left to collect dust and dirt.
Hope
drowns you
like quicksand,
and the harder you struggle,
the faster you sink.
Hope does float
and so do you,
until you let go
and swim on your own.

(Inspired by the song I previously posted)

I don't know what words I can say

Part of me wants to just run into an open field and yell in frustration at everything. But I'm at work and there are no fields anymore because they're building everywhere. To put it bluntly and simply: fuck. (2/2/08)

That was written last weekend on Saturday. I don't know why I was so frustrated, but I feel completely different now. All day I was in such a good mood. I have a goal. It feels so nice to have something in mind and not just repeat the same empty answer. I want to be a teacher. A high school biology/life science teacher. I'm planning on taking the CBEST in April and participating in the Copernicus Project in August. I want this. I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before, even some things I am none too proud to admit. I feel driven and don't want to lose this new resolve. When I first started Chaffey I started Education 10 but dropped it. I am now taking it again and am looking forward to the fieldwork instead of dreading it. I cannot even explain this feeling I have had now since November. I'm excited and ready tp stop screwing around. I have been floating endlessly around Chaffey, taking random classes to stay full time and keep my mom's benefits. My excuse was I love to learn, which I indeed do. However, I need to move on. I finally feel capable enough. I'm finally ready.

I wish everyone could feel this way because it is better than any drug I have tried.