17 August 2016

Today was odd. Due to the massive wildfire, school was cancelled therefore I stayed home from work. This was fine since the major travel corridor was still shut down due to damage and current danger. (I was not about to travel back the way I came home, which took four hours.)

We've literally been back for only four days. I had one student email me about the homework so she could get done what I assigned. I had another ask if I got home safely (I knew her from last year when she was in my study hall). My Kanto gym badges came in the mail, the ones I ordered to wear for the cosplay rally that was supposed to be on Friday. My brother found a nail in my tire in a place that is not repairable. I need a new tire (or a used one, rather). I got a free Lofthouse sugar cookie at the grocery store since they are celebrating their 80th anniversary. I also got a red balloon because why not? Everyone likes balloons. (Though I quipped to my brother I was a grown thirty year old woman holding a balloon happily like the children around me. #noshame)

As I was emailing that concerned student back, I got a text. School is cancelled the rest of the week. I figured it would be. The fire is pretty bad, and last I checked, it was only 4% contained. Many people in the area are evacuated. A school in the district is an evac center. So many men and women fighting it on everyone's behalf after that fire near the lake last week. The planes and helicopters could be seen from my house as could the smoke. I saw the orange clouds from Big Bear last night as I drove through the city on my unwanted adventure quest home.

Is this our new normal? Massive fires that burn and burn, destroying lives and history? While Louisiana drowns in excess amounts of water not seen in centuries? As I was leaving school yesterday afternoon. I thought to myself that at least this fire could be used in a lesson later on in the year when I tackle climate change. We are having the hottest year on record yet again. This coupled with the lack of humidity that is normal, the dead plants from almost no rain despite the predicted (and failed, at least in SoCal) El Nino, and the winds that are par the course lay the breeding grounds for fires. It's only going to get worse.

I can teach my students about this very real and science-backed phenomenon, I also despair. The world needs to change, but I am one person. I can make a dent in my classroom, but the world is far too vast for my reach. (Despite some friends' assertions in high school, I was never cut out for politics.)

So while communities near my house burn, while people are displaced and fearful, I still manage to find small happiness in my balloon and gym badges. Then I feel bad. But should I? I don't know. I'm probably overthinking this. I cannot deny I like this small break from school despite having just started. I'm sure the students not affected by the fire feel the same. I'm in no danger, but I hope for the safety of others as I watch the news and keep checking the Inciweb page. I guess I'm just rambling.

At least I have extra time for lesson planning I guess? Or more likely playing games on my phone and not writing in my story.

I'll see.

Kindered Spirits

From a conversation I had with an acquaintance (red) from the credential program earlier today. I got annoyed with her negative attitude a few months ago, but tonight her comment resonated with me.

The Big 3-0

Many people dread leaving their twenties behind and finally turning thirty. I personally never really cared. We all get older and hopefully wiser. Each year brings new experiences, and this past year has especially been enriching. I've made so many memories and finally found my place in the world. This birthday is the first in a long time where it felt like a birthday and where I enjoyed it. So I can remember what this day brought, I'll briefly recap.

My close teacher friend got me two Monsters and a mousse cake plus hooked me up with some movies to show my kids since they took their final early.

Being glomped by a student and having my (annoying) third period genuinely keep wishing me a happy day as they filed into the room to take their test.

Two of my honors kids writing and drawing me a message on the board during study hall (I had to Instagram it).

Being sung to by two of my teacher friends and the brother of one of them.

All the Facebook well wishes from people I connected with during the teaching program and from my school site, my family, and the people from my pastl.

My brother wishing me a happy birthday right when I got home AND then buying me cheesecake and a vanilla shake from Del Taco "instead of ice cream."

Calling and talking to my grandma, whose birthday is also today and hearing how happy she was to hear all about my day.

Hillary Clinton becoming the Democratic nominee for president (I had to add this).

Random WTF

So...one last blog before bedtime.

A month or so ago, I was at work making a cardboard bale when I lost the charm on my necklace. I looked everywhere for it and did not find it before I went home. Cue eight hours later after pizza night and a commute home and I find it in my bra. It even left an imprint on my right boob. How the flick did I not notice???

So cue to now, when I decided to watch a Conan interview of Jennifer Lawrence from November 2013. I pick up my blankie (the stringy remains of my blanket that I've had since toddler-hood). Then I drop it, and it goes missing. I spend the next few minutes looking for it super confused as to where the frack it could have gone.

What does it have in common with my necklace?

Twas in my bra. Just now. Should go to bed soon.

Peace.

You Know You Have a Problem When...

...your younger brother asks you to help with a science video, and your response is, "You're ruining my Pokemon experience" just because you are watching, finally, the Pokemon Origins English sub videos on YouTube.

Almost as bad as when your mom is making dinner and the only reason you quit playing Pokemon X is that your 3DS's battery is on red. And you're 27.

And these both happened within the last 24 hours.

I need to get into grad school soooo bad.

Bad Night Turned Okay

So I was having a crappy night. My brother used most of my gas (again), and I had to go to work in the evening for only three hours (when I have to drive 20 miles to get there and 20 more to get home). I was not happy, even after listening to my "happy" playlist loud for about ten minutes after hearing the news on NPR, which I like a lot.

But AHA! One man asked if we still carried disposable cameras, which sadly we do not. The push for digital has destroyed that medium so well in so many places, even though plenty of people can still benefit, like kids going on a field trip where the parents either don't have or don't want them to use a digital camera. At first I just thought it was odd, but then later, another lady asked for a flashlight, bug repellant, and....a disposable camera. For her daughter who was going to a science camp for three days. I asked my regular customer as I was helping her choose a flashlight what grade her child was in, and it turns out she was in sixth. Then it it hit me. The sixth graders of the Etiwanda School District still go on that three-day trip me and my friends went on back in 1998, the fabled trip that we had heard about for so long and that cost the parents of those lucky enough to afford it $150.

Awesome.

I remember the cabins (same gender, of course). I remember the amazing dining hall where my tablemates drank shakes 'til we all got headaches. I remember the night hike and eating mints, which sparked in the dark as we all learned how to work together while we walked with our hands on each others' shoulders and our eyes closed. I remember the time we all made creatures and had to come up with their biology and habitat. I remember Dana Point and dissecting squids to find out which sex they were.

I remember taking showers and sharing with the nearby cabin. I remember having to hide the fact that I still wet the bed, even with medicine. I remember the lie my dad told me to tell anyone who asked about my medicine (some sinus problem). I remember feeling bad that I almost admitted to some girls that I washed my hair every day (a trait passed on to me by my dad, something I later questioned whether or not contributed to my questioned OCD personality).

But mostly I just remember how much fun it all was, even fifteen years later. So I hope all of the kids leaving early tomorrow enjoy the heck out of themselves. I came home with a sunburn and so many memories and so much knowledge. I wish more kids could have a a similar experience. It really started me on my way to liking science. If trips like this can inspire more kids to find their passion, that would be great. Life is too great to not experience and enjoy, even that young.

Life Things

Just a little blurb.

You know your life is boring when finally getting to try out the new dandruff shampoo you got on clearance from the grocery store you work at is the bright spot of your day off.

And it smells so nice.

Year in Review: 2012

Timeline 2012

January: brother is committed to a mental health facility for almost a week

February: start watching Attack of the Show

March: get into rear end car accident on way home during rain; pass CSET General Science I & II subtests; get into The Hunger Games series

April: see The Hunger Games movie with Grandmom (2x) and Uncle Rob

May: take and pass CSET Science subtest Biology/Life Science; see Wyatt at work on Memorial Day

June: turn 26; Mom wins tickets to Sea World from KOLA; celebrate Uncle Rob graduating Cal Poly Pomona; brother wrecks car in accident not his fault; Grandmom buys me new tires and gets free tickets to stuff

July: lay offs finish at work; Summer Olympics begin; start rewriting A Hero's Sojourn

August: my brother and I install our pool; The Hunger Games on DVD; fight with Eric

September: start applying to graduate school; attend Military Appreciation Picnic 2012 with fellow store employees; eight year Albertsons anniversary; make up with Eric

October: mad scientist for Halloween complete with eye patch; work at closing store

November: Thanksgiving with Mom, Andrew, and Uncle Rob; finish Statement of Purpose, only to realize I wrote it wrong because I didn't read; movie with Uncle Rob (Silver Linings Playbook); get new store director at work; receive my Certificate of Clearance from the CTC

December: decorate for Christmas for the first time in four years; lots of rain; Mom dogsits Summer at Grandmom's house; start reworking my SOP and Personal History; finish SOP; have New Year's Eve off

Every Last Bit

School was a mixed bag
I excelled academically (usually)
I floundered socially (mostly)
And yet I am fortunate to say and feel
That I never hated any of it

Lucky, I guess, that I was naturally curious
Seeking, wanting, needing, asking
Fed information by teachers, which never satiated my mind
Close to others who were like me
(Some just lazier, I guess)

School was awesome
Even into higher ed, Chaffey, and UCR
Though homework and exams made me feel otherwise
Made me stress, study, proofread a million times
But still were satisfying with a passing mark (or top billing)

So to give such a feeling (hope, inspiration, pride)
To someone else
That makes it all worthwhile, every last bit
Start to end, beginning to my present
Their beginning to their future

How I was inspired, how I will inspire
It doesn't end with school
We never stop learning
Hopefully they take away at least that
And my job will be worth it

Every last bit

CGS

date unrecorded.

Lonely Ambitions

The idle hum of the refrigerator
The tick-tocking of the clock
The faint beep of a faraway scanner
These are the sounds of loneliness
Faint voices, laughing, talking
The sunshine they soon will see
The breeze, the fresh air after the rain
While the rest of us work idly away
A job pays the bills, and these people are like family
But sometimes I think about when I will join the other side
And not be chained to baskets or a checkstand
My ambitions go further
So why don't I chase them away from here?

CGS

15 July 2012.
on lunch break between 3 and 4 pm.
breakroom.

Change

“A childish mind will turn to noble ambition”

Or so I was taught by a video game long rooted in my childhood

And yet I cannot place the day when such delusions of grandeur

Were replaced by that vision of what was to come

My fantastical notions of saving a world became grounded

I was never cut out to save the world

But shaping it for the better was well within my reach

It was about time I settled in to chasing that credential

And chase it I did

Even if it took four more years

4/26/2012

CGS

“Change”

Hunger Games and Poetry

"Hope
is a butterfly
landing on your arm,
gracing you with its presence
for no more than mere seconds,
then flying up into the sky
before you can grasp it
in your hand,
once again out of reach."

--excerpt from my poem "Ode to Hope", October 2003

I have seen a butterfly in various movies and often think of my own line in this poem. However, as I watched The Hunger Games this last March, April, August, and September (yes, I have seen it four times), I pictured in my head each time the same stanza. In the movie, Katniss has just run off into the woods after escaping the bloodbath at the Cornucopia, and she sits down on this dead log. A butterfly, a brilliant blue in color, has landed nearby, and she reaches out and lets it walk on her hand. Then it flies away.

Whenever I see that, I think about my own vision of hope and how it flies away. The whole scene is good (thanks in most part to Jennifer Lawrence), but when I see it, I think of my poem and imagine if Katniss feels like she, even for a moment, has a feeling of hope,then the rest of us have one, too.

Memories and Pokemon

I have quite a few of these that are tied together, but the first that occurs to me is simple.

My mom and dad owned a condo in my hometown where they lived before they decided to have me. They moved to a house about seven months before I was born and rented out the condo. I remember one time my brother and me going with them to clean up the place after some particularly messy tenants (read: they were white trash pigs) left. We found cock roaches everywhere, and thus was born a stereotype about such arthropods that would last for years.

Then, when I was thirteen I guess my dad was helping my mom with some other tenants after he got off work and while she was still busy with hers (they were divorced by then, too). All I remember is playing in the grass with my other toys and thinking about the AWESOME toys he bought for me. An early victim of Pokemon and the obsession with Japan, I had found these human Pokemon figure sets straight from Japan.

Ash and Misty
Jessie and James
Brock and Nurse Joy

All were $25 a pop...and he got me all three just because I asked him to. Because he was trying to be the best dad ever. And you know what? Now that I think about it, he was pretty good. He got me a Furby (that I didn't even want...), Pokemon toys from Burger King along with Toy Story ones years before, bought me most of my Blue Gender DVD collection.

He did a lot besides buy me stuff, but this is where my mind goes when I think about him sometimes. Often he wasn't there for me emotionally, but he tried on many other levels that I often overlook.

He took me to the orthodontist often. He took  me and my best bud to see the first Pokemon flick. He stood inline for toys he thought would mean so much to me. He helped me ditch school sometimes.

So I guess I mean this partly as a tribute to my dad and what I think about when I remember my early obsession with Pocket Monsters.

So, I love you, Dad.

And I'll keep trying to catch them all.

(Pokemon! Oh, you're my best friend in a world I must defend.)

Resume Update

So! Yesterday, I called my grandma and found out there is an employment resource center in her town (my old hometown). My one uncle and his wife went and got help with their resumes. She suggested me and my other uncle, a recent college grad in accounting, could go with her and get the same help. Sounds cool, huh? (And this is free, provided for the public and paid for by tax dollars, yet another example of what our tax money goes for.)

However, I really didn't feel like going to day when I got up. Feeling guilty and like today was going to be another waste, I decided to search once more for some help online. And what do ya know, I found some really helpful, more specific information. In just over an hour, I had put together my first ever resume. I know I still have to work on it and will probably need to make different versions for the positions I am seeking, but now I have something written...er, typed down. Yay me.

I also found out some helpful information for my uncle based on what he majored in and the kind of position he wants to have. My grandma was happy on both notes, and for once I haven't been a lazy bum.

That is all.

Why is it so hard??

Writing a resume, I mean. Inspired by a fellow co-worker, also a college graduate like me, getting a job that will be in her interest field and pay the wage she deserves thus allowing her to put in a week's notice, I have started the process of doing the same. At least, I've tried. I made a list of all of the things (or most) that I would like to include on it, but I've never actually written one before. So naturally I go to Google for a little point in the right direction and find...even more confusion.

So many types, fonts, ways to organize, goals to accomplish with different kinds... It seemed daunting before, but now it more so. Even still, I will do it when I can focus better. I was hoping today would be that day, but alas, I messed around on YouTube for too long, browsed Facebook, and have been paying a lot of attention to Mittens' latest mess up, the leaked tape that can he found in the post just before this one.

(Whole other rant right there but I will save that for later. Maybe. All I know is that I resent being basically called a lazy leech who thinks the world or my government owes me a living because I'm voting for President Obama again. Yeah, 'cause that's why I have a job but am looking for another one that will allow to not need as much or any help to get by and that I am actually qualified and prepared for thanks to my wonderful public school education and the grants that allowed me to get two degrees with no student loan debt along with the roads that I took to get there paid for not in my federal or state income taxes because I've always made crap wages working where I do as is the nature of the biz but in the other taxes I do pay like vehicle license fee, sales tax, etc. just like my mom, my dad, my grandparents before they all retired, my uncle, who finally found another job, my cousins who are also getting an education... Okay, that was a long run-on that I made on purpose. Moving on.)

So today is not that day. Sigh. Maybe I'll venture a play through Slender later and feel like I've faux accomplished something I've been meaning to do.

Creepy and scary as hell

Good day, all. For now.

Steps

The first step is always hard
I don't remember my first baby steps
Though I had a penchant for rolling everywhere
And escaping my crib during nap time
I don't remember my first adult steps
Was it graduating high school, learning to drive, getting a job?
Or was it finally deciding to aim for university for real?
I do remember the first step towards myself
It was on a playground with a boy
Who convinced me to trust him, to trust me
Right foot first, then left following closely behind
I didn't just take a step, I took a leap of faith I could, I would end up on my own two feet
His small smile was proof that I was right

4/27/2012
CGS

“Steps”

Year in Review: 2011

January: go off work with a wrist injury; start my second to last UCR quarter

February: get a stomach bug; my car is wrecked by my brother

March: apply for graduation; Grandmom buys me a new a Honda Civic (2005); Pokemon Black and White released; start final undergraduate quarter; temporarily move out to Grandmom's house

April: UCR spring plant sale; move back in to my house; begin republishing GSD II on ff.net.

May: go back to work; step down back to courtesy clerk

June: join Phi Beta Kappa; graduate UCR with my BS; turn 25; skip jury duty; Aunt Kim visits; get a Nintendo 3DS as a graduation gift; buy Ocarina of Time 3D; learn how to work the self checkout at work; Cara taken away by a coyote

July: retear Achilles tendon in right foot

August: cabin on vacation with Andrew, Grandmom, and Uncle Rob; 2nd strike authorization vote

September: new grocery contract; 7 year Albertsons anniversary

October: start being a combo clerk (CC/checker)

November: Zelda: Skyward Sword; get my LiveScan done to begin applying for sub teaching permit

December: finally get diploma

Life: The (Hopefully) Lost Week

Alright, so this last week has been one thing after another for my family and me. First, the week before last, my mom had a horrible stomach bug. Then I caught it last Saturday and just started feeling like myself yesterday. I finally had the energy to sit at my computer. I mustered up all I could to do my homework the other two times I sat in my chair so I could at least email it to my professor. I hope they both don't count it against me, but when you have a stomach bug that turns all nutrition into unpleasantness of the rear, you do not want to go anywhere, let alone class for six hours. My flu caused me to miss the Pokemon Black & White mall tour in Arcadia. I was so psyched to go and thought my nausea was just hangover-related. I originally felt bad the night before and ignored it, but the day of the tour I knew I was going nowhere. Big fat bummer.

Then I get denied disability because my doctor and/or her staff was not specific enough on the papers (that is a whole other story, BTW). So I have to appeal that, which takes more time so I have to go even longer with no pay, and I lose my insurance as of March 1 because I have not been working minimum hours and have no disability stubs to show them.

And then, my company lets me know that I need to apply through them for leave, and since I misunderstood the first paper, I am treading on water right now to get it back to them on time. Since I was sick, my brother (who was nice enough) left it at the office on Wednesday for them to fill out, but when I went on Friday after my x-ray, it was still on her desk. So fuck. It needs to get back to my company's HR department by March 7, and my doc is only there Tuesday and Thursday. All I could do was ask the girl at the desk (who was very nice and understanding of my plight) to leave a note letting her know how urgent it is that it gets filled out so I can mail it. I care less about the disability appeal and more about not losing my job due to an injury (see other story to come later).

I was really hoping to make it to class on Thursday, but sadly, I still had tummy issues so I had to stay home. Friday was going to be better. My bro and I were going out to Rancho to get my x-ray and see about my papers so I showered and waited for him to return from the union hall by the agreed upon time. He was late, which was fine because I was still unwell and just chilled watching TV Land and playing Yoshi's Island DS. When he finally got here, he said there was a problem...a big one. He crashed my car by rear-ending someone on the off-ramp that is akin to hell thanks to the construction. I burst out crying (due to everything finally crashing on me- I have never cried so hard in my life before; I couldn't breathe).

So now, my awesome grandma, who has done so much for me and my mom and bro (despite the times I complain about how I think some things are unfair), is going to be buy me a new used car, hopefully a Honda Civic like I already have. The damage is fairly bad but still drivable and fixable. The plan is that my bro can get the parts and fix it and eventually keep it. Somewhat humorously, this is a situation my mom joked about in the past. I love my car, but I would love to have a newer model if only by a couple or few years. Power windows, power locks, maybe tint, hopefully an after market CD player...we'll see. So far there has been no luck, but it's only been two days. I am a patient person, and since I am off work now anyway and only have class two days a week, it's fine. I just feel bad for my mom since we have to use her car for everything. Plus my g-mom is buying it for me out of her money alone since we're poor. Granted she did help my cousin out when he got his first car, and she was supposed to help my mom with my bro's new car a few years back. I will just be grateful when I get my new mode of transportation. I hated getting rides everywhere before I finally managed to pass my driving test (took three times, but I did it). Now I am kind of back there for a bit.

But, like I said, that's fine. I hate putting my grandma through this stress. I hope she's around for the next few years and can see my get me teaching credential and a job so she knows I will be okay on my own. I hope my mom gets a job (doing pharm tech or whatever she wants), I hope my uncle gets his job, and I hope my bro finds his way. I would like for her to see that before she departs. It would make her feel good to know, after all of her help and support and love, that her family is alright.

You know you go to UCR when...

...every other week or so UCPD sent out an email of another crime on or near campus.

Glad I don't live there at least. (Not that it's so safe here...)

*Shrug*

Aspartame

Saw this on Facebook. Clicked and read it. Went back to drinking my Diet Coke.