Truth.

Reflection

A gaze upon the sky by innocent eyes yearning to discover the universe’s great truths. It seems so long ago as Father Time pushes everything and everyone forward. The grass was soft and itchy, and the satellites twinkled above in the cool air. My mom called me inside, but I begged for a few more minutes. He was the only one I could beg for more time with, and he always would be. As usual, it was granted. We continued to stare, conversation unnecessary. The other’s company was most important. Many evenings passed in this fashion before we reluctantly said goodbye. He would leave for his house ten minutes away, and I would watch from my door until he was down the street. Much of our free time was spent with each other, and it still remains one of the most peaceful times in my life.

He was my best friend whether by accident or by fate. As symbolic as it was literal, he made me take that leap of faith with him on the steps during recess. Together we started a journey that would shape not only our teenage years but the rest of our lives. He would become the one I couldn’t wait to see, the one I would do anything for, even cheat and commit academic dishonesty. I, the straight A valedictorian, put his name on my work so he would graduate with me. One summer that is still clear in my mind, I watched him cross the grass from the shade of our meeting tree. Perhaps a cliché, I found myself grinning so dumbly that I had to look away.

I have always been a critic of teenage love because teens know nothing of the real world. What life have they experienced to understand that emotion? Still, I feel I must say I was perhaps the biggest hypocrite. I always cared for him, but the true way I felt was deeper than friendship, perhaps even that something more. I did love him, and what ever that meant never mattered. He knew and I knew what it was.

He was my best friend. He saved me, made me jump from that step. We grew up together, went on a journey of our dreams and imaginations, and even wrote a thousand page story. He showed me anime and trance, what a friend could be, this emotion that I still cannot describe. Did I love him? Do I miss him? The answer to both is yes. Even though life has pulled us onto separate paths, those memories and experiences mean more than that. Life is a journey, and your companions will change whether by choice or necessity. But I would be less prepared for that journey had he not made me take that leap those years ago. For that I will always be thankful, even if I never tell him

Cracker

Christie Scott

April 23, 2004

Period 5

Cracked surface, baked by the sun’s rays
In the heat of day it dries, hardens
Crunching softly as it breaks into pieces
Like fallen leaves in autumn
The surface, rough and uneven
A cobblestone road traced with your finger
And in the taste lies nothingness
The void into which all things end up
Surrounded by white, lying softly alone
The cracker on its napkin

3.5 Years Ago

2/14/05

11:40 am

So here I am, selling flowers on the curbside of the store. Whodda thought that I could get paid for sitting for the next two hours? Heh. This is pretty cool, though, actually. I just made a sale to a nice older man. It's kinda funny 'cause earlier Jared wasn't sure what to get and asked my opinion. So did this guy "because I'm a girl." You know we woman all think alike. Today does make me a little sad, though. Not too much but enough. The only Valentines I ever got were from classmates, and we were all forced (which I think is lame BS). If everyone [mad another sale] gives cards to everyone elss, then it takes away from the real meaning. Ya, ya, I know. That way no one feels bad. Soft, fruity America (in the words of George Carlin). Then again, what is the real meaning? Who knows anymore with the cards and the candy and the flowers and blah blah blah. Hallmark, I blame you. You're running a smart operation and making a profit. Then Junior year Jon and Wyatt went on a double date with me and Amanda. They gave us each a faux flower and a sucker. That was probably the sweetest thing he's ever done for me (and it will probably always be that way). [12:00=Sale #3] But then I lost the flower a month or so ago. It's in my room somewhere, I hope. Maybe behind my TV and video games. How funny. We became friends over video games. Anyway, there was nothing else from him that really meant anything like that. Well...except that Ryoko figure. He loved that thing, but he gave it to me for my fifteenth birthday. Memories... Plus, one time back in 9th, he compared me to Cassi in his life: Cassi was Pakistan (he doesn't even know where that is...okay, neither do I), and I was the world. Even in a firendship way that meant a lot to me. But that bum...


(journal entry I wrote as I sold flowers on the curb at work a few years ago, I text messaged Jon, and he said "Ha ha, you were a beaner for Valentine's." He's half Mexican so it was okay he said that.)

Celebrating

The last day of spring semester is today, and we got our grades in populations biology.

*drumroll*

I got a B+!! I was going to be happy with a C, but I got an 89% on the final and one hundred on the project and my field notes. I read the text, well, almost never. I pulled it out at the end there with hard work. I'm proud, and if that counts as bragging, I don't care.

I also got an A in archery and bowling, an A+ in my teaching class, and probably an A+ or very high in anthropology. I call this semester a success, probably my favorite, and the beginning of the rest of my schooling since I know what path I am finally on.

Now it's time to relax and enjoy me some free time this summer.

:O)

Just for Fun

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?
	You are Dumbledore. You're the wise sage in any group. With your guidance, any situation can be resolved in the fairest way possible.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Biology on the Brain

You know you think too much about biology when you walk by a car whose plate starts with HAR and the first thing you think of? Hardy-Weinberg.

Bivalve and commensalism with a crab (or a mite and mammal hair)

Predator-prey and asymmetrical predator prey

Ah! Don't forget mutualism and asymmetrical mutualism.
When two organisms do well together but okay apart, but one gets more dependent on the other.

K=carrying capacity in the ecosystem and the niche and resources it uses
It can't go above K. Period. Sometimes a species can outcompete another- Case 1 or 2 depending on your graph. Or they are at equilibrium whether it's stable (case 4) or not (case 3).

T. confusum vs. T. castanaeum (beetles that do well depending on hot/humid or cold/dry). The part in the middle they're both doing alright.


....

I'm done.

Small World

You know, the more I talk to people, the smaller I realize my world really is. My neighbor is the mother-in-law of my history prof last semester. She brought her granddaughter in tonight to the store. She was a cute kid. I just got a message from my friend from bowling class saying he knew one of my buds on my top list on MySpace I've known that guy since we were eleven. My pops teacher at Chaffey knows the teacher who inspired me to love biology and be a teacher because she was a student at Ontario High, where she taught. The guy who does a lot of work around the bio lab and who is the brother of the head of the department is the husband of my second year Latin teacher from Etiwanda High. Plus one of the girls in the high school class I was observing is the daughter of one of the ladies who works in the bakery at my store. She thought I was smart after my presentation. :O)

God, how weird.

Fall Semester

General Botany
Intro to Physics
Invertebrate Zoology
Statistics


16 units and class all day Monday and Wednesday.

Do I think I can handle it? Yes. Can I wait? No.

Totally.

What Beer Are You?
	You are Guinness. You are brooding, bitter, and often in a dark, pensive mood. You are an intellectual and a dreamer, but your passion and emotions can sometimes get the better of you.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com Which Family Guy Character Are You? You are Brian. You are smart, sophisticated, and somewhat of an alcoholic. Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

The Simple Stuff

Listening loudly to your favorite band/song on the way to work, even if it's a Saturday and you have to be there all day.

Or listening on your computer with an energy drink you haven't had in a while, even though your shift starts in half an hour.

So Confused

So...

Tomorrow I register for fall term, and I am not sure about what I should take. I finally know what I want. I want it so much it makes me want to hop on my scooter and just ride free. But I am also impatient about getting there. I have spent forever it feels at school, and I have an ed plan I had to rearrange for various reasons. But I know what I have to finish in the undergrad lower division section before I transfer. It's just a matter of when do I finish and when do I transfer? Should I hurry up and cram it? Should I go two more years and pace myself? I just want to reach my goal. Maybe that is the part I am overlooking. I will get there. It will take time. If I rush, I may have to slow down and take even more time. I don't want that for sure. I just have to relax, take it a semester at a time, and transfer when I am ready. Forget everyone else. I have my own pace.

I will get there, and it will be worth it. I don't need to stress because things are alright for now. Be positive. I have a job, my health, a car, a house to live in with my family, and a cat who can be a booger. I need to stop worrying so much.

Just chill and relax, man.

To Do

Bio 52 (Botany)
Bio 56 (Invertebrate Zoology)
Bio 5 (Intro to Molecular Biology)
Bio 23+L (Micro and lab)
Chem 22 (General Chem II)
Chem 75A (Organic chem)
Phys 5-20A-20B (Physics intro and physics for scientists)
Comm. Studies 4 (Small Groups Dynamics/gen ed course)
Math 60 (Calculus with Apps)

So much to do, so little time...

I want to take Bio 52, 55, COMSTD 4, and Chem 22 this fall semester. Am I insane or what??

Ode to Hope

A/N: I wrote this for my creative writing class one night as I listened to
the most depressing trance song I ever heard and reflected upon life and
hope.

Hope
shines bright
like search lights
through dense pea soup,
stronger
than a spider web
spun in intricate designs
but more fragile
than sparkling crystal
Hope
so out of reach
like clouds in the sky
but right there
in front of you
like the grass and dirt.
Hope
is a butterfly
landing on your arm,
gracing you with its presence
for no more than mere seconds,
then flying up into the sky
before you can grasp it
in your hand,
once again out of reach.
Hope
floats like a flower petal
on the wind,
then sinks to the ground
to be trampled upon
unnoticed.
Hope,
more empty than
a black vertex
relentlessly sucking in celestial beings
or a dark room
abandoned long ago,
left to collect dust and dirt.
Hope
drowns you
like quicksand,
and the harder you struggle,
the faster you sink.
Hope does float
and so do you,
until you let go
and swim on your own.

(Inspired by the song I previously posted)

Beautiful Things

--By Andain

Got up early, found something's missing
My only name
No one else sees but I got stuck
And soon forever came
Stopped pushing on for just a second
Then nothing's changed
Who am I this time, where's my name?
I guess it crept away

No one's calling for me at the door
And unpredictable won't bother anymore
And silently gets harder to ignore

I forgot that I might see
So many beautiful things

Beautiful things

Take this happy ending away, it's all the same
God won't waste this simplicity on possibility
Get me up, wake me up, dreams are filling
This trace of blame
Frozen still I thought I could stop
Now who's gonna wait?

No one's calling for me at the door
And unpredictable won't bother anymore
And silently gets harder to ignore
Look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see
What's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me
Just let it go, what now can never be

So many beautiful things

Now what do I do?
Can I change my mind?
Did I think things through?

It was once my life
It was my life at one time

I forgot that I might see
So many beautiful things
I forgot that I might need to find out
What life could bring

(I'm so bad at titles)

Okay, time for some recent goings-on.

I got to "teach" a class this last Thursday. My mentor teacher offered to let me, and it was great. I did a lecture on adaptation and then a game with spoons, clothespins, and beans. They seemed to have fun, and I even got a compliment from one of the boys in her fifth period. Then at work yesterday one of the ladies in the bakery tells me her daughter was in my mentor's sixth period. I knew that girl was familiar. She told her mom she had fun, too. I got compliments from the kids. That made me feel great. So did being up there in front of the class. Man, I can't believe it took me this long to figure out I want to be teacher. I almost am too impatient about getting there now.

School is almost over, woo-hoo! I got accepted to the CCI at UCR. So did this guy in my education class so I get to know someone there. I'm so excited about that, too. One of the checkers at work today asked about my mold (she didn't want to say fungus, and I didn't realize why until just now). That was nice, and it's going alright. We think we ID'd everything and are now formulating the paper and a way to put our samples in cases for future mycologists. Except I was looking at the temp and humidity data for this area, and I don't see any reason that the fungi seemed to be mostly dead April 11 and then come back April 18. Then I was thinking about the dew point and how that might mean more than humidity. The two are connected, though. April 11 had the lowest average humidity, which means a lower dew point. It was also more stable that week, which is good for fungi growth. Who knows. I'' try and discuss it with my friend on Monday.

In other news, I love Armin's new album Imagine. In his song with Jennifer Rene she actually sounds good. I like that it is more vocal trance.